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Every once in a while a special kind of bad movie appears that falls into the "so-bad-it's-good" subgenre of B-movies. There are plenty of B-movies that are entertaining due to the fact that their badness itself makes them interesting. The Godmonster of Indian Flats, The Robot Vs. the Aztec Mummy, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies, Blood Feast and of course the immortal Plan 9 From Outer Space are all low budget disasters that are as fascinating as they are terrible.
And it's not just low budget drive-in fare that fall into this category. Hollywood has produced more than its share of gargantuan exercises in laughable awfulness: Valley of the Dolls, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Michael Cimino's psychotic remake of The Desperate Hours, and even Richard Rush's unfortunate return to the director's chair, the bewildering Color of Night.
All these movies have something special in common. They're not just bad; they're insane. They're the work of a demented genius whose grandiose ideas of how to make an entertaining movie got lost in translation and resulted in the glorious mess that now spills across the screen. And for many fans, the infamous Troll 2 falls into this category.
Not me, however. No frigging way.
Troll 2 is mind-numbing. It is undoubtedly one of the worst movies ever made. I agree with that. Unlike the movies listed above, however, there is no joy to be found. Other than a few admittedly weird moments, Troll 2 is a movie completely devoid of entertainment value. The moronic dialog, juvenile acting, incoherent story, pedestrian direction, pathetic special effects and irritating music swallow up the few chuckle-worthy tidbits in a black hole of banality.
I tried to watch Troll 2 first not knowing of its cult following. Having found the original Troll moderately entertaining, I figured the second one would be another amusing little schlock fest. Needless to say, I was aghast at how dreadful it was. I watched it to the end only out of pure morbid curiosity. When it was over, I popped it out of the VCR, returned it to the video store and made a mental note to never watch it again. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Then I heard there was a Rocky Horror-like cult following that held festivals and attended theatrical screenings of the movie. I thought maybe I had missed something, so I went out and plopped down $10 for the double feature DVD of Troll and Troll 2. While Troll was the same oddball slice of cheese I recalled, watching Troll 2 again opened my eyes up to the true nature of the movie: it is even worse than I remembered. I recall finding it to be a terrible but harmless little movie that I had no interest in ever bothering with again.
But watching it a second time I was shocked at how offensive the movie is. Not because of the subject matter or gore, but because of the filmmakers' obvious contempt for their audience. This is a movie that tries to cash in on the success of Gremlins (and its subsequent low budget rip-offs) without bothering to put any effort at all into making it the least bit interesting or entertaining. The undeniably bizarre feel to the movie is not intentional on the part of the filmmakers, but the result of a perfect storm of bad writing, acting, directing and special effects.
There's none of the earnestness of Ed Wood, none of the enthusiasm of H.G. Lewis, none of the misplaced zeal of Ray Dennis Steckler that made their movies so entertaining; just the half-assed efforts of some lazy, inept hacks trying to make a quick buck.
Troll 2 sucks.
1/10
