The Best of Adam Sandler

Howard Ratner
"Come on! KG. This is no different than that. This is me. All right? I'm not a fuckin' athlete, this is *my* fuckin' way. This is how *I* win. All right?"

Barry Egan
"I don't know if there is anything wrong because I don't know how other people are."

Happy Gilmore
"You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!"

Danny Meyerowitz
"But let's not minimize it, Jean, what he did was shitty, and damaging, and I don't know, the same asshole's in there somewhere, right? Beneath the dementia."

Sonny Koufax
"He's the smelly kid in class! I let him become the smelly kid in class! What the hell's the matter with me?"

George Simmons
"Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you again? All you fuckin' talk about is jacking off and farting. You think a girl's gonna come up to afterward and be like 'Oh, would you just jack off for me and then fart in my face?' That's fuckin' insane. Do you want to get laid, ever?"

Charlie Fineman
"I get that you're in pain, but you've got each other. You got each other! And I'm the one who's gotta see her and the girls all the time. Everywhere I go! I even see the dog. That's how fucked up I still am! I look at a German shepherd, I see our goddamn poodle."

Robbie Hart
"All right, remember - alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!"

Billy Madison
"Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest."

Michael Newman
"Twinkie. Don't need it. You don't need it, man. You do need a Yodel, though. Good job."

Bobby Boucher
"If you'll excuse me, ladies, I'm gonna go hang myself."

Pip
"I don't wanna go to jail. I'm fragile."

Paul Crewe
"Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo, don't get short with me."

Dave Buznik
"I'm feeling very angry right now, because I have only one bed and no couch."

Zohan
"I just want to make people silky-smooth!"