411’s WWE Raw Report 8.04.08

Mike Adamle says he is the new General Manager of Raw. The crowd hates him. Adamle says there once was a man who wasn’t taken seriously and was bad at his job. He’s talking about Ronald Reagan. He went on to be one of the most successful presidents ever. Reagan once acted with a monkey, and Adamle once called Jeff Hardy “Jeff Harvey.” We all learn from our mistakes. But people want his resignation. That’s our right, but it’s not an America he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of the land of opportunity. He believes in an America where anything can happen, which is why he booked Lawler to team up with Cole last week. He’s sorry that didn’t work out. He wants to see three championship matches tonight;

Simply Priceless vs. John Cena and Batista

JBL is out to interrupt. He congratulates Adamle on his new position. JBL agrees. First impressions can be deceiving and he uses himself as an example. JBL says they’re from the same cloth. They are born winners. Cena vs. Batista is a winning announcement and he wants Adamle to announce JBL vs. CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Chris Jericho is out now! JBL says this doesn’t concern him. Jericho says it does. He says he put out Michaels and he deserves the title match against Punk. JBL says he beat Cena at The Bash. Jericho says the last time he faced JBL he beat him too. Jericho says he’s in a league of his own. JBL and Jericho talk trash to each other. Adamle tells them to knock it off. Adamle has an idea. A 2-On-1 Handicap Match, Cena and JBL vs. Punk. If Jericho or JBL get the win, they get the title match. But if Punk wins, then neither gets the title shot.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Paul Burchill

Lock up and a take down by Burchill. Burchill works the arm but Kofi rolls through only to get dragged down again. Kofi fights up and counters and scores a 1 count. Burchill takes over with elbows and a shoulder knock down. Kofi hits a spinning back elbow though, and then his leaping corner bunches. Thrusts by Kofi and an uppercut gets 2. Kicks by Kofi now. Katie Lea avoids a kick on the apron but the distraction allows Burchill to take over. Burchill gets 2 off of a neckbreaker. More elbow strikes by Burchill, but Kofi scores 2 off of a roll-up. Burchill comes back and applies a arm-trap chinlock now. Kofi fights up and counters with an arm drag. Burchill runs into a series of boots and knees and gets telegraphed. Dropkick by Kofi followed up with a flying forearm. Springboard crossbody gets 2. Kofi’s feeling it and hits the THUNDER CLAP! Trouble In Paradise finishes it.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Katie gets in his face post-match, but Kofi avoids a charge by Paul. Kofi sends Paul to the back and Mickie James is out now.

Women’s Championship: Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill

JIP with Mickie in control. She hits a flying forearm and fires off with kicks and forearms. Mickie hits a low dropkick to send Katie to the floor and then dives off the apron with AIR MICKIE! Back in and Katie gets 2. Mickie fights out of a borrow and arrow submission. Mickie catches Katie in the head scissors take down followed by a big elbow. Mickie with another neckbreaker and another close 2 count.. I’ve got a black screen here. We’re back and Katie gets 2 off of a fisherman’s suplex. Mickie comes back and scores the win following a DDT.

Winner: Mickie James

Beth Phoenix attacks post-match and lays Mickie out with a wheelbarrow face plant. Santino comes out to cheer Beth on. Beth gets a handful of Santino ass. Santino contemplates returning the favour, but doesn’t.

We gets clips of Austin shenanigans from 1997 to advertise 24/7.

Mike Adamle talks to Stephanie McMahon on the phone. Santino and Beth show up. They want title matches. There’s only room for one more title match as ‘Slam though. Santino says he wants want the Glamazon wants… to see him as Intercontinental Champion. Beth tells him to make the match for the Women’s Championship. Santino says he doesn’t to be Women’s Champion. Adamle makes a mixed tag for Summerslam, with both titles on the line. It will be An Adamle Original!

We get a video package for John Cena.

Todd Grisham talks to Batista. He wants the tag titles but doesn’t want to team with Cena. If beating Cena at Summerslam gets him closer to the world title, he’ll do it. He wants Cena to stay out of his way.

Layla dances around in the ring.

Earlier today, Jamie Noble tells Layla he made reservations for the waffle house. Layla says this isn’t working. Layla says he keeps running his mouth and gets his assed kicked. She says she doesn’t associate with losers. Jamie says not to call him when someone else is “wolfing down your pecan waffle.”

William Regal interrupts Layla. He has something to say. He wanted to remind us who he is. He’s William Regal, our King. He earned that title by winning the King of the Ring tournament. He says it is his duty…

Jamie Noble interrupts. He tackles Regal and they slug it out! Fists of fury! Referees are out to separate them. Layla has no idea what’s going on.

Backstage, CM Punk walks.

An Adamle Original: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho and John Bradshaw Layfield

Jericho is rocking short tights now. I’m not sure that works. According to King, Lance Cade has a broken nose, hence his absence. Did I just see a “I love Chris Hero” sign?

Mike Adamle says this match has a 10-minute time limit. If they hit the limit, we get a triple threat at ‘Slam.

Jericho and JBL argue so Punk attacks them but that pesky numbers game catches up to him. They beat him down with punches and kicks and a double shoulder block. Punk manages to back drop Jericho to the floor but gets caught by JBL who hits a Fallaway Slam for 2. Clubbing blow by JBL now. Right hands in the corner by Layfield. JBL hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2 more. JBL knocks Jericho off of the apron now! On the floor, Jericho reverses a whip and sends JBL into the steps. Back in and Jericho stomps the crap out of Punk and hits a back suplex and a back splash for 2. Half-nelson sleeper applied by Y2J as we’re at under 7 minutes left. Punk powers out, and elbows out but runs into a big kick to the gut. Jericho goes to the middle rope and hits a big fist drop and covers to get a near fall. Scoop slam by Jericho. He heads up top at 6 minutes, but Punk catches him up there and goes up. Jericho fights him off and hits a spinning flying elbow for 2. Abdominal stretch applied by Jericho now, bad strategy. 5 minutes left. Punk arm drags out of the hold and hits Jericho with knees. JBL in from behind and hits a clothesline for 2. Jericho pulls him off and gets 2 on Punk. Jericho and JBL slug it out now and Jericho runs right into a big boot. On the floor, JBL bounces Punk off of the announce table. JBL rolls Punk in and Jericho hits the LIONSAULT! JBL pulls Jericho to the floor and they brawl. Back in and they slug it out. Punk springboards into a clothesline to JBL. Punk blocks a bulldog attempt from Jericho and pushes him into the middle turnbuckle. 3 minutes left on the clock now. Forearms by Punk and a leg lariat. Running knee/bulldog combo to JBL!Running knee to Jericho, and JBL accidentally takes out Jericho with a shoulder tackle! Punk has JBL… GO 2 SLEEP! Jericho breaks it up but gets caught with a scoop powerslam for 2. Rights by Punk, under 2 minutes. Punk catapults Jericho into JBL and rolls Jericho up for 2. Jericho rakes the eyes to counter the GTS. Walls of Jericho attempt… It’s locked in! Under a minute left! Punk fights and crawls towards the ropes but Jericho pulls him back to the middle of the ring. JBL boots Jericho in the back of the head and shoves him to the floor. 15 seconds left… 10… Jericho hangs JBL up on the top rope and JBL falls back onto Punk to get the win with 1-second left!

Winner: JBL

Shawn Michaels is ready to join us via satellite. We see clips of the Jericho/Michaels match at The Bash. Shawn says he’s been better. Doctors are monitoring his eye condition. Michaels says this is a result of a culmination of injuries. He’s been wrestling with a broken rib for four months and has recently had knee surgery. He has a re-evaluation of his eye on August 15. He will come to Summerslam to announce what the future holds. But for the first time in his life, he will listen to the doctors. If they tell him that there’s too much risk to his eye, then he is prepared to walk away. He’s enjoyed performing for the WWE throughout his career but he loves his family more. Jericho said he should look back on a wonderful career and spend time loving his wife and children and he is thinking maybe that is what he should do.

Matt Striker’s Classroom

He is our teacher. He thanks Michael Adamle to finally compete as a member of the Raw roster. He is sure Adamle will chose the best competition to display… BANG!

Kane is here!

Kane vs. Matt Striker

Kane blocks a boot and hits a clothesline. Striker gets caught with an uppercut. Big boot. Irish whip, clothesline, sidewalk slam. Kane up top, flying clothesline. The chokeslam finishes it.

Winner: Kane

Kane grabs his little bag. He goes to the floor and to the announce desk. He scares away the timekeeper. He has a microphone and heads back to the ring. He’s been in a bad place, but he’s better now. He looks at the bag and says he’s not alive, he’s dead.

We get the SmackDown Rebound, featuring the fantastic Edge/Foley segment.

Summerslam

Edge vs. Undertaker (Hell in a Cell)
Triple H vs. Great Khali (WWE Title)
Shawn Michaels: What Does The Future Hold?
CM Punk vs. JBL (World Title)
John Cena vs. Batista (1st Time Ever)

We get a video montage for Batista.

John Cena bigs up Batista. He was surprised about Adamle becoming new GM, but everyone knows Cena/Batista is the ultimate showdown. Cena points back to Mania 21. Batista gets drafted, and finally it happens. The day is Summerslam and the time is coming up. Cena says he is ready for anything out there tonight.

Kelly Kelly congratulates Mike Adamle on the job he’s done to night. Next week, we will try to find out what’s in Kane’s bag. If he doesn’t want to give it up, Adamle will take it from him. It’s an Adamle Original!

World Tag Team Championship: Simply Priceless vs. John Cena and Batista

Cena starts with DiBiase. Lock up and tussle. Ted grabs a side headlock but gets hip tossed and beat in the corner. Bulldog by Cena gets a 2 count. Batista in now. Rhodes in too. They lock up, sort of, and Batista shoves Cody down. Cody with knees and right hands, but gets caught attempting a sunset flip and tossed into the corner. Thrusts by Batista, followed up by a backbreaker for 2. Batista gets telegraphed but hits a reverse elbow. Bomb attempt, but Ted comes in to break that up. Batista misses a charge in the corner and goes shoulder-first into the post. We head to a commercial.

Back from the break and Cody is working over the injured arm. Batista powers out and hits a big boot. Cena in and hits a pair of clotheslines and a pair of shoulder blocks. PROTOPLEX! “You can’t see me!” Five Knuckle Shuffle connects, but Ted hits a dropkick from behind to break up the FU. Cody hits a DDT and Ted kicks Cena to the floor where Cody puts the boots in. Ted whips Cena into the steel steps out on the floor. Back in and Cena gets the ropes to stop thecover. Priceless hit a nice double suplex and Cody covers for 2. Ted back in and they do a double arm wrench and right to the gut. Ted with a fist drop and a stiff clothesline gets 2. Cody back in off the tag and hits a perfect dropkick for 2. Cody halts a Cena comeback with a side Russian leg sweep. Knee drop by Cody now. Ted back in and comes off the top with an axe handle to Cena’s shoulder for 2. Double reverse elbow gets 2 more for the champs. Cody stomps away at Cena’s head, then hits a series of jabs. Cena slugs back but gets caught in a sleeper! Cena is fading here, and goes down to one knee. The fans rally behind Cena like they have done all match. Cena tries to power back. Cena inches towards the corner but Batista isn’t too keen to get a tag. Ted helps drag Cena back to the middle and Cody gets a 2 count. Ted in and reapplies the sleeper. Now Cena powers out and breaks the hold, and applies his own sleeper! Rhodes comes off the top with a double axe handle to break it up. Cena hits a side slam though. Cena SLAPS Batista! Tag! Batista KILLS Ted with a clothesline and hits a back drop and knocks Cody to the floor. Batista runs into a boot but hits the SPINEBUSTER! Snake eyes… SPEAR! Thumbs down to Cena! Cena intercepts Cody allowing Batista to hit the BATISTA BOMB! New champs!

Winners: John Cena and Batista