The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Why Robocop 2 Is Awesome

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never been attacked by a heavily armed, drug addicted cyborg, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number four hundred and seventy-eight, Cyborg September concludes with why I think Robocop 2 is awesome.

Why Robocop 2 is awesome!

Intro

Lots of people consider the first Robocop, written by Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner and directed by Paul Verhoeven, a bonafide cinematic classic. I’m one of them. It’s a movie that blew me away back when I first saw it on home video at a friend’s house in 1988, and it still blows me away to this day. Robocop 2, which I managed to see on its opening weekend back in the summer of 1990, blew me away, too. It didn’t hit me in quite the same way as the Verhoeven original, but I loved the sequel almost as much.

Directed by Irwin Kershner (The Empire Strikes Back, Never Say Never Again) and with a script by Walon Green and comic book legend Frank Miller, Robocop 2 has Peter Weller return as the cyborg cop in the bankrupt Detroit, taking on Cain (the great Tom Noonan), the leader of a drug dealing cult that makes the super addictive narcotic called Nuke. At the same time, the now completely evil Omni Consumer Products (OCP) plans on going through with its scheme to build Delta City, even if the actual city of Detroit wants it to happen or not.

The movie opened in second place at the box office and, at the end of its run, made less than the first movie but must have been considered a hit because there was, eventually, a Robocop 3. The people who liked Robocop 2 seemed to like it for its action, gore, and sense of humor, and the people who didn’t care for it seemed to think the movie was witless and gross. I could understand the “witless” part (I don’t agree with it but I understand it), but the gross part? Did those people not see the first Robocop?

I loved the movie a little more when I watched it again on home video, and then watched it obsessively when it was on premium cable (The Movie Channel, as I remember it). Robocop 2 was awesome. Why the hell didn’t those people see it? I’m still dumbfounded when I see Robocop 2 on “The Worst Movie Sequels” lists. Again, I’ll admit that it isn’t as good as the first one, but Robocop 2 is still pretty damn awesome on its own and still worth watching almost thirty years later.

So why, specifically, do I think Robocop 2 is awesome?

Reasons

It’s a parody of the first Robocop: I didn’t realize this until a few years ago, but it’s true. Robocop 2 can be seen as a parody of the first movie. From the opening fake TV commercial to the returning news with Casey Wong and Jess Perkins to the theme that sort of sounds like the original theme by Basil Poledouris but clearly isn’t, it’s all off kilter compared to the first movie. When we find out just how crime ridden Detroit has become, it’s just like the first movie but amplified (think of the prostitutes that mug the guy that mugged the homeless woman. That’s insane). Even Robocop’s look, which is now more blue than silver, it’s Robocop but not quite. It’s like Kershner and company knew that they couldn’t really duplicate the original, so they decided to make something that was close but also kind of ridiculous. With a movie that could be a major franchise with all sorts of toy potential, that’s a dangerous strategy, to try to make something that’s even more subversive than the first one. What sort of sequel makes fun of the movie that started off the franchise?

Go ahead, watch it again and ask yourself if you’re meant to take the whole thing seriously. I think you will be surprised by how you’re not.

The bad guys: The bad guys in the first Robocop were a crime a gang and a corrupt corporate executive. The bad guys in Robocop 2 are, again, a crime gang (Cain’s Nuke cult) and an evil corporate executive (The Old Man, Daniel O’Herlihy), but they’re not quite grounded in the reality that was present in the first movie. Cain’s gang sends mysterious communiques to the media, Cain has a foul mouthed child henchman, and, Jesus Christ, just look at Cain. He has comic book villain written all over him. As for the Old Man, he’s a mean and nasty bastard in this. Think about how sort of kindly he was in the first one. What the hell happened to that guy? And look at the way he treats the mayor of Detroit (Willard Pugh). He’s just despicable. And that’s before we see him at the end of the movie, openly shirking all responsibility for the carnage his decisions created.

These guys are just awful, and you hope that our hero Robocop gets a chance to take them all down. He gets to take down one of them. The other will have to wait for another day.

And Juliette Faxx, the evil psychiatrist within OCP that ends up taking over the Robocop 2 program? Brilliantly played by Belinda Bauer, you know that Faxx is evil as soon as you see her, but you’re not quite sure why she’s evil. When we find out what she’s up to, how she enjoys simply fucking around with Robocop and creating something new, like the eventual Robocop 2 with Cain’s brain inside, it makes you wonder why no one in power (outside of Johnson, maybe) figured out that she was up to no good ahead of time. We know that the Old Man was blind to her naked body, but what the hell was everyone else blind to?

The whole “Robocop is stalking Murphy’s wife” thing: This is probably the heaviest part of the movie and the one thing that will stick with you because it’s so damn sad. Robocop keeps driving by Murphy’s widow’s house, watching her get the mail and whatnot. On some level, Robocop is still Alex Murphy, but he’s obviously not the man he once was. When Murphy’s widow complains to OCP, OCP sends a scumbag lawyer to interrogate Robocop and make sure that he understands that he isn’t Alex Murphy anymore, he’s just a machine (a product, as Bob Murphy said in the first movie). You can see Robocop’s emotional struggle on his face as he listens to the orders given to him by the lawyer and he realizes that the lawyer might be right, he isn’t Alex Murphy anymore and can’t be the man and husband to Murphy’s widow that he once was. That scene where Robocop has Murphy’s widow Ellen (Angie Bolling) touch his face still depresses the hell out of me.

Robocop’s human face is cold. And Robocop tells Ellen that “they made this to honor him” and then says that he doesn’t know her. Ellen runs away crying. He didn’t want to do it. Eventhough he knew it was the right thing to do, it still ate at him and depressed him. He couldn’t be the man he used to be, but, even with all of the cyborg parts, he was still a man on some level. Robocop was going to have to move on, though. He was going to have to live his life, and he was going to have to try to let Ellen live her life and move on. Alex Murphy was gone.

Man, it’s making me emotional now just thinking about it. Watch that scene again, watch Peter Weller’s eyes. It’s all there. Amazing stuff.

Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, and Robert Do’Qui: It’s always a plus when actors return for a sequel, and having Weller return as Robocop, Allen return as Robocop’s partner Anne Lewis, and Do’Qui return as Sgt. Reed is a major plus in my book. Weller seems more comfortable this time around in the Robocop armor and does a great job with all of the weird stuff he’s forced to do later on in the movie (the “reprogrammed Robocop” sequence, for instance). He’s also changed up the Robocop walk just a bit, which is cool. Allen’s Lewis is pretty much Robocop’s rock and while she doesn’t have much to do outside of being Robocop’s partner, she does a damn good job killing bad guys and just being there for him. And Reed? He’s just the badass desk sergeant and one of the guys who understands what Robocop means to Detroit and to the police force. Every scene he’s in is pure gold. It’s too bad only two of them returned for part 3.

The failed Robocop 2’s scene: After the success of the first Robocop unit, OCP wanted an updated sequel that it could use in the eventual Delta City. The problem was no one could figure out how to duplicate the success of the first unit. Every single Robocop 2 OCP created killed itself. We only get to see two of the failed Robocop 2’s, but those two are just hilarious disasters. The first one appears, shoots some scientists in the room, then shoots itself in the head. The second Robocop 2 rips its own head off. Who the heck saw that coming? The funniest sequence in the movie.

Tom Noonan as Cain: The great Tom Noonan always brings the creepy when he plays a villain, and his Nuke cult leader Cain is no exception. He’s a weird beard capitalist hippie that doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything except himself and his business. He’s also perpetually high on his own supply, which is usually bad business for other drug dealers but it seems to work for him. Well, it works for him until he becomes a killer robot in constant need of new Nuke.

Noonan’s most diabolical scene? Making Hob watch the torture surgery on dumbass corrupt cop Duffy. It’s bad enough that he wants to watch Duffy get cut open, but making Hob watch, too? That’s fucked up, man.

It’s too bad that we didn’t get to see Noonan in a full on cyborg costume like Peter Weller. I bet he would have kicked ass under the appliances and makeup and whatnot.

Hob, the criminal kid: I remember that plenty of people objected to the Hob character when the movie came out. Hob, as played by Gabriel Damon, was a foul mouthed, violent as fuck drug dealing kid that, once Cain is incapacitated, takes over the Nuke business. Children should never be that evil in a movie (or in real life). I’d agree with the real life part. But in a movie? I’m surprised it hasn’t happened more often since Robocop 2 came out.

Because Hob is the exact opposite of what you expect him to be. I mean, you’re not that surprised that he’s a smart ass and kind of a weasel, but you sure as hell don’t expect him to pull a gun on Robocop and shoot him in the face. And, again, there’s the foul language and the drug dealing, not to mention the boom box that turns into a machine gun. Kids aren’t supposed to be doing that shit!

And yet there he is, being a little bastard criminal. Still such a great idea. I will admit, though, thinking back about the movie, that Kershner and company kind of wimped out with how Hob died at the end. I don’t want to take anything away from the quiet way Hob succumbs to his gunshot wounds, but I’m pretty sure that if I had made Robocop 2 I would have had Robocop 2 snap Hob’s neck or blow his head off or something terrible like that. It would have been out there, subversive, totally uncalled for, and absolutely perfect. Didn’t happen, though. Hob got to die quietly.

Little bastard.

Oh, and the foul mouthed criminal Little League gang? Also hilarious.

The “reprogrammed” Robocop sequence: After Cain’s gang captures Robocop and tears him apart, OCP scientists, under Faxx’s supervision, put Robocop back together and “improve” him with all sorts of new, ridiculous directives. These directives make Robocop “nice” and, well, ineffective as a cop on the mean streets of Detroit. He doesn’t want to shoot anyone, he tells criminals that they’re not being very nice, and he ends up reading Miranda to a corpse. The only time he wants to draw his gun is to warn a guy about his public smoking. The worst part of this new, improved Robocop? His attempt at small talk in the car with Lewis. Jesus Christ that scene is uncomfortable to watch. It’s funny, too, but, shit, man, that isn’t how Robocop is supposed to be.

The actual Robocop 2: When Faxx’s Robocop 2, with Cain’s brain inside, shows up at the big clandestine meeting between Hob and Mayor Kuzak and shoots the whole place up, we see special effects legend Phil Tippett at his best when it comes to stop motion effects. Because that’s how the movie did Robocop 2, at least when it was moving around. And this cyborg is nothing but lethal beauty. Because of the use of stop motion Robocop 2 always looks weird and alien to its surroundings, which makes it seem super dangerous before it even does anything. And when it does start moving around, firing its machine gun and launching its missiles and whatnot, Robocop 2 is a badass killing machine.

You know, after the perpetual failure of the lumbering ED209, you’d think that, size wise, the best Robocop sequel unit would be similar in size to Alex Murphy (you know, a person). Why go for a gigantic robot again, even if it’s much more agile than the ED209? Eventually you know that it’s going to run into something because it’s too big. Faxx didn’t go that route, though. She went with the slightly smaller than the ED209 but still freaking huge Robocop 2. Why don’t people ever learn anything?

The flick’s action: The action on display in Robocop 2 is top notch stuff. From the gun shop robbery scene, with its multiple explosions, to the drug lab siege, to the freaking garbage truck/motorcycle chase that sets up the creation of the Robocop 2 unit, to the final fight between Robocop and Robocop 2 during the big Delta City presentation, Robocop 2 is just non-stop action. I don’t know about you, but non-stop action is always a good thing in a sci-fi action flick. Is it all a little too cartoony, a little too comic book compared to the first movie? Maybe. It still works, though, and is still exciting to watch to this very day.

The Old Man and Johnson: Dan O’Herlihy and Felton Perry, as the Old Man and Donald Johnson, were in the first Robocop but they were playing slightly different characters. The Old Man was sort of a nice guy in the first movie, and Johnson seemed to try to be the conscience of his friend Bob Morton. In Robocop 2, as I said earlier, The Old Man is an asshole villain, and Johnson functions as a conflicted henchman. Conflicted? Yes. Johnson is the only one who seems to know that Faxx is up to no good with her Robocop 2 initiative, but he’s totally ineffective in getting the Old Man to see what she’s doing. At the end of the movie, after the carnage and chaos created by the Robocop/Robocop 2 fight, when OCP is trying to come up with an explanation for what happened, instead of throwing all of them under the bus, Johnson decides to suggest that Faxx take the full fall. The Old Man would always go for something like that because he’s a heartless bastard, but Johnson? Yeah. Johnson was never going to do the right thing, either.

Think about it. Johnson was part of the “fuck Detroit, we’re building Delta City no matter what” contingent. Look at the way Johnson treated the mayor. Johnson was always going to wimp out and be just as big a piece of shit as The Old Man.

Fucking Johnson.

”Made in America: We’re going to make that mean something again”:This line is uttered by both the Nuke cult leader Cain and the OCP leader The Old Man, which shows you that there are awful scumbag criminals everywhere. The drug dealer is a given. Cain openly traffics in misery. The corporate leader, too? Absofuckinglutely. Yes, The Old Man talks a big game about loving democracy within OCP (if you own OCP stock you get to vote. What’s more democratic than that?) but he’s all about profit, making money, and being rich and powerful.

They’re the same, man. They’re all bad. How many of you caught this the first time you saw the movie?

”That’s not good enough!”: This is one of my favorite lines in the movie. As The Old Man talks to his lawyers after the Delta City presentation debacle, he finds out that there’s a real chance he and OCP will be held liable for the property damage and all of the people Robocop 2 killed. The Old Man wants to know if he will be personally held liable for any of it. Will he go to prison, too? “We’ll do everything we can.”

“That’s not good enough!”

If there’s one thing corporate assholes like The Old Man believe is they’re never responsible for anything. They’re always above it all. And, sadly, they very rarely are held responsible for anything. It is nice to know that, though, in this one moment, The Old Man thought he was going to jail. It’s where he belongs. Fucking piece of shit.

The ending: Well, the last scene, really, as The Old Man drives away in his limo and Lewis and Robocop watch. Lewis remarks that the Old Man can’t be touched, that he’s going to get away with it, and Robocop tells her “Patience, Lewis. We’re only human.”

Eternal optimism? From a robot that thinks its human? That’s brilliant.

Conclusion

Neil Blomkamp, the man behind District 9, Elysium, and other well regarded modern sci-fi action flicks is set to make a direct sequel to Verhoeven’s original. This sequel is expected to ignore everything that was made after Verhoeven’s movie and pick up where the 1987 movie left off. I’m intrigued by what Blomkamp has in store for the Robocop character (I read somewhere that he’s going to update a sequel script that Neumeier and Miner wrote back in the late 1980’s) but, at the same time, I’m kind of miffed that everything that was made after the original is going to essentially go away. Why should Robocop 2 be dismissed?

Well, even if it’s going to officially stop being a part of the Robocop franchise’s continuity, Robocop 2 will still exist out in the world. It will still show up on TV. People will still buy the movie on DVD and Blu-ray and watch it on streaming. It will still be the first real deal Robocop sequel.

And it will still be awesome. That’s what’s most important of all.

Long live the first Robocop 2!

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1

–King Cohen: I saw this tremendous documentary earlier this year, reviewed it here, and can’t recommend it enough for B-movie nerds and movie fans in general. Larry Cohen is a cinematic legend as both a writer and a director and is a fabulous interview. If you didn’t see it in theaters, or on Video on Demand, be sure to track down the Blu-ray and see it. It is well worth your time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czzD1sfa18M

–Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich: This reboot of the Puppet Master franchise has been getting excellent reviews. I haven’t seen it yet (I hope to rectify that situation soon) but, based on the trailers alone, it looks insane. I’m still not sure that the franchise needed to be rebooted in the first place, but I’m okay with this remake/reboot. It has a pretty good cast (Thomas Lennon, Michael Pare, Udo Kier, Barbara Crampton, and the immortal Mathias Hues are all in it), so it has that going for it. Is it really a comedy, though? I can’t wait to find out. Anyone out there see this? Anyone at all?

–Solo: A Star Wars Story: I missed this Star Wars flick when it was in theaters, but then it looks like a good chunk of the Star Wars fanbase stayed away, which is a shame because it looks pretty good. I mean, Harrison Ford will always be Han Solo, but I can live with Alden Ehrenreich portraying a younger Han Solo. It doesn’t sound like we’re going to get more young Han Solo cinematic adventures any time soon. Will the Star Wars audience come around and support this movie on home video? We’ll have to wait and see. I know I want to see it.

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The 1970’s TV thriller Kolchak: The Night Stalker is first up! Check out what I think about the show with the links below!

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B-Movie News

I Am Vengeance getting a sequel… and it’s already started filming!: I still haven’t seen I Am Vengeance starring Stu Bennett, the former Bad News Wade Barrett in the WWE, but ever since I saw the trailer for it I thought it looked awesome and suspected that it was going to be a “calling card” movie for Bennett. Well, based on this story over at Action-Flix.com, I Am Vengeance is getting a sequel and it started filming the other day (Tuesday, to be exact). So IAV must have been a big enough success to warrant a sequel and, man, it sounds like the moviemakers are going to try to go bigger and more badass in this second one. Bennett is coming back, of course, and it looks like he’ll be taking on the immortal Vinnie Jones. Now, it’s true that Jones keeps popping up in these low budget action flicks, usually as the villain, and he gets his ass kicked, but that’s cool. I mean, Vinnie Jones just has mean spirited villain asshole written on his face before he even starts acting. That’s a good thing!

I need to check out I Am Vengeance as soon as I can, so I’m ready for whenever part 2 gets released. This is so damn awesome. We not only have a new action star in our midst in Stu Bennett, but we also have a new low budget action movie franchise. That’s something to be celebrated.

Anyone out there see I Am Vengeance yet? Is it as awesome as I suspect it is?

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2

–Angel Town: This comes to us from the fine folks behind the MVD Rewind series, and it sounds like the company has gone all out for this, the first movie of modern action star Olivier Gruner. I haven’t seen this movie in ages. It used to play on The Movie Channel all of the time back in the day, and the Blu-ray package assembled for this looks fabulous, with commentary tracks and interviews with cast and crew. I think it’s high time that Gruner got the respect he deserves, which will hopefully lead to better movie opportunities for him. The world desperately needs another good Olivier Gruner movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTPqVxKSwgg

–Molly: I really don’t know much about this new, low budget post-apocalypse movie from the Netherlands. I do know that some people have enjoyed it and others aren’t too fond of it. The PG-13 rating sort of makes me nervous, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I doubt it’s going to be a classic of the post-apocalypse genre, but I’m curious enough about it to give it a shot. Expect to see a full on review of the flick soon.

–13 Souls: This low budget horror movie comes to us from the fine folks at ITN Distribution. It seems like a bit of a riff on My Bloody Valentine, but that may be on the surface (the killer in the movie is a guy in a miner’s outfit). Definitely worth renting, just to see what it’s all about. The world needs more quality slasher flicks. It does.

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Who is the Douchebag of the Week? Go here and find out!

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Next Issue: The October Horror Movie Marathon begins with Return of the Killer Shrews!

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