Do you remember when the media pounced on Jessica Simpson last year after she showed up several pounds over the legal limit at a chili cook-off?
Well, she does. Remember, I mean.
And because the beauty was so emotionally devastated by the beast, she decided that — if life threw her a bunch of lemons — she’d turn them into something sweet. Thus, her new show debuting tonight, “Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty.”
On the show, Jessica and two of her entourage — hair dresser and fashion stylist Ken Paves and her friend Casey Cobb — travel the world to find out what makes a woman attractive in various cultures.
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And sometimes it works, um, beautifully, and sometimes it’s as dopey and clueless (but not as funny) as not knowing whether Chicken of the Sea is tuna or chicken.
Tonight, the threesome travel to Thailand where they get beat up pretty good with a Thai massage — not the gentle experience they’d expected. Yawn.
Next it’s on to meet with Thailand’s top TV model/host who takes them to a typical local market where she shows them fashions and beauty products. Simpson gets to cry when she meets a woman whose face is wrecked by beauty products meant to lighten the skin.
In the market, of course, they have to eat fried bugs as if they’re some kind of beauty enhancer when, I suspect, it’s just some stupid excuse to watch the now sensationally slim Simpson eat bugs and gag.
“I can’t even eat salmon!” she proclaims. (Well, we know she doesn’t eat tuna.)
A visit with a Buddhist monk proves funnier — at least for us — when Simpson gets the uncontrollable giggles while mediating in front of the horrified monk. The more she tries to control herself, the worse it gets.
Finally Simpson & company go up north and ride elephants to a tribal village where women wear as many as 20 golden rings on their necks to stretch their necks to incredible lengths.
Seems a girl can choose (or not) to have the rings wound around her neck when she’s very little. As she grows, more rings are added. However, the necklaces can weigh as much as 20-pounds and they are permanent. They can never be taken off.
The rings bear down on the shoulders and have a crushing effect on the ribcage, Simpson points out. Yikes.
Next week, she visits Paris to see the extremes Parisian women will go to for beauty. From my visits there as far as I can tell, their beauty regimen consists of eating cheese, drinking wine and getting their exercise by having affairs. Not so surprising they look good.