Towards a Comprehensive Theory of Love: The Quadruple Theory

Attraction and Romantic Love

Attraction involves both physical and personality traits (Braxton-Davis, 2010; Karandashev and Fata, 2014). To this end, attraction could be subdivided into sexual or material and non-sexual or non-material attraction. Sexual or material attraction includes physical attributes such as beauty, aesthetics, appeal, wealth, etc. In contrast, non-sexual or non-material attraction includes characteristics such as personality, social status, power, humor, intelligence, character, confidence, temperament, honesty, good quality, kindness, integrity, etc. Both types of attraction are not mutually exclusive.

Romantic love has been described as a advanced form of human attraction system (Fisher et al., 2005) and it fits with the passion component of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love which he described as the quickest to recruit (Sternberg, 1986). Indeed, research indicates that physical attractiveness and sensual feelings are essential in romantic love and dating (Brislin and Lewis, 1968; Regan and Berscheid, 1999; Luo and Zhang, 2009; Braxton-Davis, 2010; Ha et al., 2010; Guéguen and Lamy, 2012) and sexual attraction often provides the motivational spark that kickstarts a romantic relationship (Gillath et al., 2008). Behavioral data suggest that love and sex drive follow complementary pathways in the brain (Seshadri, 2016). Indeed, the neuroendocrine system for sexual attraction and attachment appears to work synergistically motivating individuals to both prefer a specific mating partner and to form an attachment to that partner (Seshadri, 2016). Sex promotes the activity of hormones involved in love including arginine vasopressin in the ventral pallidum, oxytocin in the nucleus accumbens and stimulates dopamine release which consequently motivates preference for a partner and strengthens attachment or pair-bonding (Seshadri, 2016).

Also, romantic love is associated with non-material attraction. Research indicates that many people are attracted to their romantic partner because of personality traits like generosity, kindness, warmth, humor, helpfulness, openness to new ideas (Giles, 2015, pp. 168–169). Findings from a research study on preferences in human mate selection indicate that personality traits such as kindness/considerate and understanding, exciting, and intelligent are strongly preferred in a potential mate (Buss and Barnes, 1986). Indeed, character and physical attractiveness have been found to contribute jointly and significantly to romantic attraction (McKelvie and Matthews, 1976).

Attraction is key to commitment in a romantic relationship (Rusbult, 1980), indicating that without attraction a romantic relationship could lose its luster. Also, romantic attraction is weakened or declines as the reason for its presence declines or deteriorates. If attraction is sexual or due to material characteristics, then aging or any accident that compromises physical beauty would result in its decline (Braxton-Davis, 2010). Loss of fortune or social status could also weaken attraction and increase tension in a relationship. Indeed, tensions about money increase marital conflicts (Papp et al., 2009; Dew and Dakin, 2011) and predicted subsequent divorce (Amato and Rogers, 1997).

Connection and Romantic Love

Connection or resonance fits with the intimacy, and commitment components of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love (Sternberg, 1986). Connection in romantic love involves intimacy, friendship or companionship and caregiving and it is strengthened by novelty, proximity, communication, positive shared experiences, familiarity, and similarity. It is what creates a sense of oneness between romantic partners and it is expressed in the form of proximity seeking and maintenance, concern, and compassion (Neto, 2012). Evidence suggests that deeper levels of emotional involvement or attachment increase commitment and cognitive interdependence or tendency to think about the relationship in a pluralistic manner, as reflected in the use of plural pronouns to describe oneself, romantic partner and relationship (Agnew et al., 1998).

Research indicates that both sexual attraction and friendship are necessary for romantic love (Meyers and Berscheid, 1997; Gillath et al., 2008; Berscheid, 2010), indicating that connection which is essential for companionship plays a key role in romantic love. A study on college students by Hendrick and Hendrick (1993) found that a significant number of the students described their romantic partner as their closest friend (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1993), reinforcing the importance of friendship or companionship in romantic love.

Similarity along the lines of values, goals, religion, nationality, career, culture, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, language, etc. is essential in liking and friendship in romantic love (Berscheid and Reis, 1998). Research indicates that a partner who shared similar values and interests were more likely to experience stronger love (Jin et al., 2017). Indeed, the more satisfied individuals were with their friendships the more similar they perceived their friends to be to themselves (Morry, 2005). Also, similarity influences perceptions of familiarity (Moreland and Zajonc, 1982), and familiarity plays a role in the formation of attachment and connectedness because it signals safety and security (Bowlby, 1977). Moreover, similarity and familiarity affect caregiving. Sprecher and Fehr (2005), found compassion or caregiving were lower for strangers, and greatest for dating and marital relationships, indicating that similarity and familiarity enhance intimacy and positively influences caregiving (Sprecher and Fehr, 2005).

Proximity through increased exposure is known to promote liking (Saegert et al., 1973), familiarity and emotional connectedness (Sternberg, 1986; Berscheid, 2010). Exposure through fun times and direct and frequent communication is essential to maintaining and strengthening attachment and connectedness (Sternberg and Grajek, 1984). In Sternberg’s triangular theory, effective communication is described as essential and affects the intimacy component of a relationship (Sternberg, 1986). Indeed, intimacy grows from a combination of mutual self-disclosure and interactions mediated by positive partner responsiveness (Laurenceau et al., 1998, 2005; Manne et al., 2004), indicating that positive feedback and fun times together strengthens connection.

Also, sexual activity is an important component of the reward system that reinforces emotional attachment (Seshadri, 2016), indicating that sexual activity may increase emotional connectedness and intimacy. Over time in most relationships, predictability grows, and sexual satisfaction becomes readily available. This weakens the erotic and emotional experience associated with romantic love (Berscheid, 2010). Research shows that a reduction in novelty due to the monotony of being with the same person for a long period is the reason for this decline in sexual attraction (Freud and Rieff, 1997, p. 57; Sprecher et al., 2006, p. 467). According to Sternberg (1986), the worst enemy of the intimacy component of love is stagnation. He explained that too much predictability can erode the level of intimacy in a close relationship (Sternberg, 1986). So, novelty is essential to maintaining sexual attraction and strengthening connection in romantic love.

Jealousy and separation distress which are key features of romantic love (Fisher et al., 2002b), are actions to maintain and protect the emotional union and are expressions of a strong connection. Research has found a significant correlation between anxiety and love (Hatfield et al., 1989) and a positive link between romantic love and jealousy in stable relationships (Mathes and Severa, 1981; Aune and Comstock, 1991; Attridge, 2013; Gomillion et al., 2014). Indeed, individuals who feel strong romantic love tend to be more jealous or sensitive to threats to their relationship (Orosz et al., 2015).

Connection in romantic love is weakened by distance, a dearth of communication, unsatisfactory sexual activity, divergences or dissimilarity of values and interests, monotony and too much predictability.

Trust and Romantic Love

Trust is the belief that a partner is, and will remain, reliable or dependable (Cook, 2003). Trust in romantic love fits with the intimacy, and commitment components of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love which includes being able to count on the loved one in times of need, mutual understanding with the loved one, sharing of one’s self and one’s possessions with the loved one and maintaining the relationship (Sternberg, 1986).

It has been proposed that love activates specific regions in the reward system which results in a reduction in emotional judgment and fear (Seshadri, 2016). This reduced fear or trust has been identified as one of the most important characteristics of a romantic relationship and essential to fidelity, commitment, monogamy, emotional vulnerability, and intimacy (Laborde et al., 2014). Indeed, trust can deepen intimacy, increase commitment and increase mutual monogamy, and make a person lower their guards in the belief that they are safe from harm (Larzelere and Huston, 1980; Bauman and Berman, 2005). People with high trust in romantic relationships tend to expect that their partner will act in their interest causing them to prioritize relationship dependence over making themselves invulnerable from harm or self-protection (Luchies et al., 2013). In contrast, people with low trust in their partner tend to be unsure about whether their partner will act in their interests and prioritize insulating themselves from harm over relationship dependence (Luchies et al., 2013).

Trust takes time to grow into a romantic relationship. Indeed, people in a relationship come to trust their partners when they see that their partner’s action and behavior moves the relationship forward or acts in the interest of the relationship and not themself (Wieselquist et al., 1999). Research indicates that trust is associated with mutual self-disclosure (Larzelere and Huston, 1980), and positive partner responsiveness which are both essential to the experience of friendship and intimacy in romantic relationships (Larzelere and Huston, 1980; Reis and Shaver, 1988; Laurenceau et al., 1998).

Also, trust influences caregiving and compassion. Evidence suggests that compassion is positively related to trust (Salazar, 2015). Mutual communal responsiveness or caregiving in relationships in which partners attend to one another’s needs and welfare is done because they are confident that the other will do the same when or if their own needs arise (Clark and Monin, 2006). Repeated acts of communal responsiveness given with no expectation of payback provide a partner with a sense of security and trust and increase the likelihood that they will be communally responsive if or when the need arises (Clark and Monin, 2006), and contributes to a sense of love in romantic relationships (Berscheid, 2010).

Loss or weakening of trust could spell the end of romantic love. Indeed, mistrust corrupts intimacy and often indicates that a relationship has ended or near its end (LaFollette and Graham, 1986) and it makes mutual monogamy, and commitment difficult to achieve in a romantic relationship (Towner et al., 2015). A study on individuals who had fallen out of romantic love with their spouse found that loss of trust and intimacy was part of the reason for the dissolution of love (Sailor, 2013).

Respect and Romantic Love

Multiple lines of evidence suggest that respect is expected in both friendships and romantic relationships (Gaines, 1994, 1996). In romantic love, it entails consideration, admiration, high regard, and value for the loved one as a part of one’s life (Sternberg and Grajek, 1984; Hendrick et al., 2011).

Gottman (1999), found that the basis for a stable and satisfactory marital relationship is friendship filled with fondness and admiration (Gottman, 1999). Respect is considered one of the most important things married couples want from their partner (Gottman, 1994). Grote and Frieze (1994), found that respect correlates with companionate or friendship love (Grote and Frieze, 1994), indicating that respect is essential to intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Also, respect is positively correlated with passion, altruism, self-disclosure, and relationship overall satisfaction (Frei and Shaver, 2002; Hendrick and Hendrick, 2006). It is associated with the tendency to overlook a partner’s negative behavior or respond with pro-relationship actions or compassion to their shortcomings (Rusbult et al., 1998; Gottman, 1999).

Absence or a lack of respect could spell the end of romantic love. Research indicates that there is an expectation of mutual respect in friendship and most relationships and people reacted negatively when this expectation is violated (Hendrick et al., 2011), indicating that a lack of respect could negatively affect commitment and attraction. Indeed, denial of respect is an important negative behavior in friendships and most relationships (Gaines, 1994, 1996) and a lack of respect is a violation of what it means to love one ‘s partner in a close romantic relationship (Hendrick et al., 2011). Gottman (1993, 1994) identified contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling as four of the relationally destructive behavior and he labeled them as “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Attraction and Parental Love

Attraction plays an essential role in parental love and it could be material or non-material. Material attraction involves the child’s health, gender, accomplishments or success, and attractiveness. In contrast, non-material attraction includes traits such as intelligence, character, and other personality traits.

Evidence suggests that culture influences gender preference with attraction greater for sons in most cases (Cronk, 1993). Indeed, mothers and fathers have been found to favor the more intelligent and more ambitious/industrious child (Lauricella, 2009). Also, parental perception that investment in a child will cost more than the benefits to be gained from taking care of the child might influence negative behavior toward the child. Indeed, multiple lines of evidence suggest that parental unemployment increases the rates of child maltreatment and abuse (Steinberg et al., 1981; Lindo et al., 2013). Research indicates that teen mothers who have poor social support reported greater unhappiness, were at greater risk for child abuse and often employed the use of physical punishment toward their child (Haskett et al., 1994; de Paúl and Domenech, 2000).

Also, several studies have suggested that parents tended to favor healthy children (Mann, 1992; Barratt et al., 1996; Hagen, 1999). However, when resources are plentiful, parents tend to invest equally in less healthy or high-risk children (Beaulieu and Bugental, 2008), because they have abundant resources to go around without compromising the reproductive value of healthy children (Lauricella, 2009).

Connection and Parental Love

Connection creates a sense of oneness between parent and child and involves caregiving, intimacy, and attachment. It is influenced by proximity, positive and unique shared experiences, and similarity along virtually every dimension between parent and child.

Proximity, and similarity increases attachment and intimacy between parent and child. Research shows that parents are perceived as favoring genetically related children (Salmon et al., 2012), and evidence suggests that paternal resemblance predicted paternal favoritism (Lauricella, 2009). Parental proximity and similarity to a biological child are unique because it is based on genes and blood. In contrast, intimacy between a parent and an adopted child is based solely on shared experiences and proximity and takes time to grow and on many occasions may not develop (Hooks, 1990; Hughes, 1999).

Dissimilarities or discrepancy in values, attitudes, etc., can create problems between children and parents and can have a profound effect on their relationship. Indeed, evidence suggests that the rebel child tended to be less close to the parents (Rohde et al., 2003). Research has found that adolescents who are less religious than their parents tend to experience lower-quality relationships with their parents which results in higher rates of both internalizing and externalizing symptoms (Kim-Spoon et al., 2012). When parents and family members were very religious, and a child comes out as an atheist, relationship quality could suffer in the form of rejection, anger, despair, or an inability to relate to one another (Zimmerman et al., 2015). A study of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youngsters, for patterns of disclosure of sexual orientation to families, found that those who had disclosed reported verbal and physical abuse by parents and family members (D’Augelli et al., 1998). Honor killing of female children which have been reported in Pakistan and some parts of the Middle East because of deviation from traditional gender roles or crossing of social boundaries that are deemed as taboo in their culture (Lindsey and Sarah, 2010), is another example of the negative effects of the discrepancy in values between parents and child.

Unique shared experiences between parent and child could increase connection. Bank (1988) observed that the development of favoritism seems to require that the “child’s conception or birth be unusual or stressful,” (Bank, 1988). Evidence suggests that parents most favored child tended to be last-born child and this is linked to their unique position, vulnerability and neediness (Rohde et al., 2003). Also, proximity, positive experiences and time spent together increases connection and intimacy. Research indicates that parents tend to give more love and support to the grown child they were historically closest to and got along with (Siennick, 2013). A study of primiparous women found that mothers with greater contact with their infants were more reluctant to leave them with someone else, and engaged more intimately with their child (Klaus et al., 1972).

Divorce could create distance between a parent and child, weakening connection and intimacy. Indeed, one of the outcomes of divorce is the lessening of contact between divorced non-custodial fathers and their children (Appleby and Palkovitz, 2007), and this can reduce intimacy (Guttmann and Rosenberg, 2003).

Also, parental separation distress, worry, and concern for their child’s welfare, academic performance, and future are expressions of connection and a lack thereof is a sign of poor connection. Indeed, the levels of concern and worry expressed between children and their parents influenced their perceptions of the relationship quality (Hay et al., 2007).

Trust and Parental Love

Trust is essential to parental attachment, intimacy, and caregiving. When there is mistrust, attachment and intimacy between a parent and their child are disrupted or unable to blossom. In Africa and many parts of the world, there have been reports of children being condemned and abandoned by their parents simply because they are tagged as witches with mysterious evil powers (Tedam, 2014; Bartholomew, 2015; Briggs and Whittaker, 2018). The tag of “witchcraft” stirs up fear and anger, causing the child to be perceived as a deadly threat which inevitably damages attachment, intimacy and eliminates the need for caregiving.

Research has found that firstborn children were most likely to be chosen as those to whom mothers would turn when facing personal problems or crises (Suitor and Pillemer, 2007). This tendency may be linked to trust. Moreover, evidence suggests that the rebel child tended to be less close to the parents (Rohde et al., 2003). In other words, the more obedient, and reliable child is likely to gain the confidence and intimacy of the parents. In contrast, the disobedient and unreliable child is excluded or kept at a distance. Also, trust and poor connection could influence inheritance and disinheritance decisions. Indeed, estrangement, alienation and disaffection of a parent toward a child could result in disinheritance (Batts, 1990; Brashier, 1994, 1996; Foster, 2001; Arroyo et al., 2016).

Respect and Parental Love

Respect in parental love entails treating the child with consideration and regard. This consideration and regard for the child are essential to intimacy, caregiving and attachment. Indeed, respect is foundational to a harmonious relationship between parent and child (Dixon et al., 2008). Evidence suggests that humans possess an innate behavioral system that leads them to form an attachment to a familiar person who provides care, comfort, and protection (Harlow, 1958; Bowlby, 1989). Repeated acts of caregiving contribute to a sense of love in all types of relationships (Berscheid, 2010), reinforcing the role of parental caregiving in fostering intimacy and attachment with the child.

Taking care of an infant’s needs, and making sure they are safe and well, all fall under consideration and regard for the child. Child abuse and neglect (Tedam, 2014; Bartholomew, 2015; Briggs and Whittaker, 2018), is a display of a lack of consideration for the child’s need.

Also, respect in parental love involves admiration. Research has found that fathers treated more ambitious/industrious sons with high regard, and both parents favored the more intelligent and more ambitious/industrious daughters (Lauricella, 2009) indicating that a child that engages in activities or behavior that is highly regarded by their parents may gain favor with their parents, strengthening intimacy and vice versa.

Attraction and Brand Love

Attraction plays an essential role in brand love. Material attraction for a brand includes attributes like superior design, quality, and aesthetics, price, benefits, etc. Non-material attraction involves social status symbol, brand personality, uniqueness, distinctiveness, user experience, image, etc. evidence suggests that when talking about loved brands, people often talk passionately about the brand’s many attractive qualities such as its exceptional performance, good-looking design, value for money, and other positive attributes (Fournier, 1998; Whang et al., 2004; Carroll and Ahuvia, 2006; Batra et al., 2012). Research on brand love has found that brand attractive attributes such as prestige or uniqueness influence brand passion which affects relevant factors such as purchase intention (Bauer et al., 2007).

Also, brand attraction influences brand loyalty, and commitment. Indeed, research indicates that brand benefits influences brand loyalty or commitment (Huang et al., 2016). Brand personality (image, distinctiveness, and self-expressive value) is strongly associated with brand identification and loyalty (Kim et al., 2001; Elbedweihy et al., 2016).

Connection and Brand Love

Connection is essential to brand love. It involves brand attachment, commitment, and intimacy and it is strengthened by brand identification, image, familiarity or awareness, proximity, length or frequency of usage and similarity or congruences along virtually every dimension including values, lifestyle, goals, etc. between brand and customer. Brand awareness which means brand familiarity has been described as essential for people to identify with a brand (Pascual and Académico, 2015), and it indirectly affects current purchases (Esch et al., 2006).

Also, brand identification promotes a sense of oneness between a brand and a customer strengthening commitment and it is driven by brand self-similarity, brand prestige and brand distinctiveness (Stokburger-Sauer et al., 2008). Indeed, brand identification contributes to the development of brand love and brand loyalty (Alnawas and Altarifi, 2016) and brand image and identification influence loyalty and positive word of mouth (Carroll and Ahuvia, 2006; Batra et al., 2012; Anggraeni and Rachmanita, 2015). Brand identity, values and lifestyle similarities to those of the customer appear to have a strong and significant relationship with brand love (Batra et al., 2012; Rauschnabel and Ahuvia, 2014; Alnawas and Altarifi, 2016; Elbedweihy et al., 2016). Findings from research suggest that customer-to-customer similarity and sense of community drive consumer brand identification, loyalty, and engagement (Bergkvist and Bech-Larsen, 2010; Elbedweihy et al., 2016).

Moreover, proximity and interaction play a role in brand love. Indeed, the duration of the relationship between a customer and a brand is essential in brand love (Albert et al., 2007). Fournier (1998), discussed interdependence which involved frequent brand interactions as necessary for a strong brand relationship (Fournier, 1998). Similarly, Batra et al. (2012) found that having a long-term relationship, positive emotional connection and frequent interactions with a brand was an important aspect of brand love (Batra et al., 2012). Indeed, shared experiences and history between a person and a brand can increase their emotional attachment, make the brand to become an important part of the person’s identity narrative and increases their loyalty to the brand (Thomson et al., 2005; Pedeliento et al., 2016).

Just like romantic love, concern and worry and proximity seeking, or maintenance are an expression of emotional connectedness to the brand. Indeed, anticipated separation distress has been described as a core element of brand love (Batra et al., 2012), and consumers are likely to feel strong desires to maintain proximity with their loved objects, even feeling “separation distress” when they are distanced from them (Thomson et al., 2005; Park et al., 2010).

Also, novelty through continued innovation is vital to maintaining and strengthening both attraction and connection. According to the Harvard business review, the relationship between brand and consumer go through “ruts” and to “keep the spark” alive, innovation and news are essential (Halloran, 2014). Research indicates that innovation plays a role in brand equity and it impacts brand identification or resonance (Sinha, 2017).

Lack of brand familiarity or awareness, poor or negative user experience, a dearth of innovation and increased dissimilarities in values and lifestyles between brand and consumer can all weaken brand connection.

Trust and Brand Love

Trust is essential to brand attachment, intimacy, and commitment. It involves confidence and reliability, or dependability of the brand and it is influenced by brand image, familiarity, values, user experience, and quality. Indeed, brand trust directly influences brand love (Turgut and Gultekin, 2015; Meisenzahl, 2017) and a strong relationship exists between brand love and brand trust and identification (Albert and Merunka, 2013). Evidence suggests that brand familiarity influences brand trust (Ha and Perks, 2005) and brand trust and experience, positively influence brand attachment (Erciş et al., 2012; Chinomona, 2013; Chinomona and Maziriri, 2017).

Also, brand trust affects brand purchase, loyalty, and commitment. Evidence suggests that a strong relationship exists between brand love and brand trust, brand commitment, positive word of mouth, and willingness to pay a higher price for the brand (Albert and Merunka, 2013). Research indicates that brand trust positively affects brand loyalty (Setyawan and Kussudiyarsana, 2015), directly influences brand purchase intentions (Yasin and Shamim, 2013) and positively influences current and future purchases (Erciş et al., 2012). Indeed, more than any other factor, brand trust has been identified as essential for future purchases of a brand (Esch et al., 2006). It is essential in determining purchase loyalty and attitudinal loyalty and it plays a role in brand market share (Chaudhuri and Holbrook, 2001). Brand trust affects both affective and continuance commitment and affective commitment influences repurchase intention and loyalty (Erciş et al., 2012).

Brand quality is essential to brand trust and love. Indeed, Fournier (1998), discussed the role of brand quality in brand love and highlighted the role of trust in relationship satisfaction and strength (Fournier, 1998). Also, brand trust has been found to positively affect resistance to negative information and repurchase intention (Turgut and Gultekin, 2015).

Brand trust is weakened by poor user experience, brand quality, brand image, and a lack of brand familiarity.

Respect and Brand Love

Brand respect is essential in brand love and plays an important role in brand attachment, intimacy, and commitment. It is influenced by brand identification, values, image, experience, and quality. Brand respect is displayed by the customer in the form of high regard, admiration for the brand, brand loyalty and consideration or tolerance of negative information. Indeed, brand familiarity positively affects brand respect (Zhou, 2017), indicating that brand familiarity increases regard for a brand. Evidence suggests that brand image positively influences brand respect and love (Cho, 2011), indicating that brand image modulates a customer’s regard and admiration for a brand.

Brand respect influences brand commitment and loyalty. Indeed, a strong relationship has been found between brand respect and brand loyalty (Cho, 2011) and brand admiration results in greater brand loyalty, stronger brand advocacy, and higher brand equity (Park et al., 2016). Brand respect affects the behavioral outcomes of brand love such as affective commitment, and willingness to pay a price premium (Garg et al., 2016; Park et al., 2016).

Also, evidence suggests that customers’ admiration or high regard for a brand contributes to why they tend to ignore negative information about the brand (Elbedweihy et al., 2016). Fournier (1998), included respect as one of the components of brand partner quality. This means that respect is one of the factors that reflects the consumer’s evaluation of the brand’s performance (Fournier, 1998).

A lack of respect could negatively influence the relationship between a brand and a customer. Indeed, people react negatively when the expectation of respect is violated (Hendrick et al., 2011) and a violation of expectation between brand and customer has been found to contribute to brand hate (Zarantonello et al., 2016).