- Lionel Dobie: [When Paulette sees Lionel appearing unexpectedly in Paulette's bedroom] I just wanted to kiss your foot. Sorry, nothing personal.
- Paulette: [Seeing a patrol car with two policemen in it] Kiss the driver on the mouth. Then we'll talk.
- Lionel Dobie: [Disbelieving the request and laughing nervously] What?
- Paulette: Come on, and show me how much you love me.
- Lionel Dobie: [Shaken and laughing nervously. After a pause] What if I do? Huh?
- Paulette: Then I'll know your love is true, and if you don't, your name is King Bullshit, and I pack.
- Sheldon: [Looking around Terva's dank, gloomy apartment] You got a nice place here. What time does the cobra come out?
- Paulette: I don't have to sleep with you anymore?
- Lionel Dobie: I'm your ally against horse dung and fraud. That's as far as it goes from now on.
- Sheldon: [Opening lines of segment] I'm 50 years old. I'm a partner in a big law firm. You know I'm very successful, and I still haven't resolved my relationship with my mother.
- Zoe: [to her mother about her Joan Crawford-styled dress] A woman shouldn't have bigger shoulders than a man.
- Lionel Dobie: You don't know how deep I go, or how down I get! I was married four times before you were born!
- Lionel Dobie: I have to pick up my assistant at the airport. I don't know why she can't take a cab like everybody else.