The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966)

Charles Lane: Lawyer Whitlow

Photos 

Quotes 

• Whitlow : I'm asking you a question, Heggs! Can't you curb your imagination for one minute?

  Luther Heggs : Can't you curb your tongue for a minute?

  Man in audience : Atta boy, Luther!

• Whitlow : You really love the newspaper game, don't you, Luther?

  Luther Heggs : Yeah, I sure do. I guess if you cut me, I'd bleed ink.

• [Springer calls his "surprise" witness to the stand] 

  Springer : Your full name, sir?

  Gaylord Patie : Gaylord Patie.

  Springer : And what is your occupation?

  Gaylord Patie : I'm a certified public accountant for the state.

  Springer : Now then, I understand that you, Mr. Patie, have heard the organ playing in the Simmons Mansion. Am I correct, sir?

  Gaylord Patie : You are. I have heard organ music coming from the tower of the Simmons Mansion on three seperate occasions.

  [gasps of awe come from the audience] 

  Gaylord Patie : That's why I came to you, Mr. Springer.

  Springer : And at what time did you hear this music?

  Gaylord Patie : At the stroke of midnight.

  [more gasps of awe come from the audience] 

  Springer : And what else have you heard coming from the Simmons Mansion, Mr. Patie?

  Gaylord Patie : On the first occasion, a woman's scream. And on the second and third occasions, a man's scream.

  [even more gasps of awe come from the audience] 

  Springer : And what kind of screams were they, Mr. Patie?

  Gaylord Patie : Oh wild, maniacal screams.

  [audience is really excited now] 

  Springer : Thank you. Your witness.

  Whitlow : [cross-examining]  Mr. Patie, I understand that you're president of the Internation Conclave for Unidentified Flying Objects

  Gaylord Patie : That is correct, sir.

  Whitlow : Where was your last meeting held?

  Gaylord Patie : On Mars.

  [courtroom erupts in laughter] 

• Whitlow : Heggs, when I get you on the stand, I'm gonna tear you to shreds.