Battleship

The Jurassic Transformers. Un blockbuster au budget démesuré avec tous les travers (clichés et délires) et ingrédients pop de circonstance : méga-action, auto-ironie, un jeune héros qui courtise la fille d’un capitaine, G.I. Rihanna, un héros noir estropié et des vieux marins qui sauvent le monde. S’il était sorti avant 2007, ça aurait été de la bombe, mais aujourd’hui, il faut compter avec la domination de Michael Bay, dont les visuels placent la barre à un autre niveau, que ce soit pour l’action, les couchers de soleil ou les courbes féminines. Peter Berg, lui, est visuellement statique et exempt d’originalité. De plus, l’existence de blockbusters tout aussi spectaculaires mais plus intelligents, comme X-Men : Le commencement, n’aide pas Battleship à s'en sortir. (17/04/2012)

Non-infantile Transformers H2O taken to absurdity. Which, paradoxically, helps the experience, because Berg pokes fun at all the classic tendentious popcorn movies. And don’t try to tell me he’s being serious. My poor soul (sated in the second half with a guilty pleasure) cannot admit this (aside from an aware me: unfortunately very real) possibility to be true. No, no and no! (19/04/2012)

Your typical American blockbuster—I was curious how they'd pull it off, and since I usually enjoy this kind of movie, I was looking forward to it. But honestly, the result didn’t do much for me. Sure, it delivers the usual flashy effects you'd expect, but where it falls short is the cast. Blockbusters are supposed to have characters you root for, people you actually enjoy watching. Here, that just wasn’t the case. And let’s not even talk about the story—though I didn’t expect much there to begin with. Rihanna flying around thinking she’s a total badass while blasting enemies got old fast, and the film seriously lacked humor. A movie like this needs way more of it to keep things fun. The only real highlight was the special effects, which were cool, but they can’t carry the whole movie. (18/09/2012)

"Comrades, the imperialist scumbag from outer space is once again stretching his stinking claws around our motherland, this time he wanted to splash around in our trade union resorts in Hawaii. In addition to our overgrown actors, long-legged national artists and beautiful ships, our veterans and cripple comrades will also stand up to him. Deserved artists from AC/DC can be heard whilst we march." I swear I haven't laughed this honestly in a movie theatre in a long time. Although Battleship is a Marine agitation film made up of the dumbest genre-ideological clichés, it is so overdone that it raises some doubts as to whether Berg and his screenwriters poked a bit of fun at the patriotic contract. They didn't, of course. In an American blockbuster, it's possible to make a fun of Jews, Catholics, women, gays, and government officials, but definitely NOT about cripples and metal retirees (so let's face the fact that what we're laughing at in disbelief, ordinary American viewers raised on parades and patriotic interpretation of history take quite seriously). The basic taboo "you won't mow down a cripple with a UFO and you won't hit a veteran with a piece of a cannon" is therefore an honor. They bring the story to a properly vigorous tone and the spectator gets a warm feeling leaving the movie theatre that there is fun and a good bunch at the marina, although a horde of bearded lizards from Green Lantern plunder seaside resorts (plus, an American and a Japanese man are friends near Pearl Harbor, trying to understand Sun-Tzu's “Art of War"). Berg simply took everything I hate in similar films and put it into fairly well-arranged and playful nonsense, which is exactly sarcastic enough to take away his "empire is still alive" message. I rate the contagious peaks of socialist realism similarly, so why ostracize the genre of agitation films in the capitalist one, right? (17/04/2012)

A celebration of the U.S. Navy, a tribute to its veterans, and ego-stroking of the stars and stripes that they are still the best. But it's also a genre in reverse, with Berg also making fun of it. He loads the cannons to the sound of AC/DC and lets the old guys mentor the digital-obsessed youth about how the analog days were a blast. So far, so good. But it's 130 minutes long and all the shenanigans, when it really starts to get fun, only start happening in the second half. Until then, it’s pure misery and the essence of what the film later makes fun of at the end. I wouldn't survive watching it a second time. 3 ½. (06/08/2012)